youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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