two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
