I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
