Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
