don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
false alarm. still invincible.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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