The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
