Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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