Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
farters have to be the big spoon...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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