Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
