just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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