I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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