Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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