Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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