; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
