Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
