hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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