i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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