Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
