I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
