Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
