Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
