just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
