Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
