i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
