; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
