Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
