Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
