wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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