I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
