Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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