If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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