i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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