I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
