just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
