I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
