So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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