whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
