I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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