we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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