My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
