Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
