I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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