I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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