he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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