when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We need to get me chipped asap
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
