My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
