Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
