I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
