I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
