Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
