sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just threw up on my dentist
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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