I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
