he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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