i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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