Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
