What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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