I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
