I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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