i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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