he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
