im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
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