I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's a Shit stain on my heart
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
