I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize