she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
