Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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