If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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