12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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