My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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