we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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