They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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