you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
