omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
