Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
