I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
