I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
